been thinking about the past lately. not saying the present sucks, cuz it's amazing! just thinking about how things have changed. thinking about the person i was in high school, i know she was different. maybe not completely, but definitely things you would be able to pick out. last night, talking to tiff and kchow made me realize how i haven't been very "Creative" lately. i'm not able to think up things as easily, without it feeling forced or 'not genuine'. sometimes i 'feel cheap' in the sense that i'm not giving all that it could be given. and it's not because i'm holding back, but rather because i can't remember how to unlock the gates. i wanna be emo just so i can be creative again. haha. if only it were that easy. being emo doesn't equate to being creative anymore. high school's over, i'm out of that funk. i need a new inspiration for creativity. and it's not like i don't have enough. i could use the joy i'm experiencing, but somehow, positivity doesn't translate to Great Works. it's like i lost the fuel to my fire, sometime between grade 12 and first year. there were random sparks last year, i remember them. but as of late, nothing.
i want the ink to flow. i want the paper to bleed.
all these things i want i cannot grasp.
problem is. it. exactly.
i need to use actual ink in order for it to flow, and real paper for it to bleed.
i have bound myself to machinery of convenience, perhaps this is why things are lost.
i look at my fingers and the callouses are coming off. i haven't "recovered" in a while, let alone touch a guitar. without loss there is no gain. without labour there is no produce. without blood, sweat, tears (so to speak) there is no real creativity.
should i hiatus? or simply split up my time a little more? probably the latter.
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Nov 25. TTR. remember the last minute conversation waiting. a conversation to say hello to a better future. kiss the past adieu. do you believe? conversation with a stranger that i know so well. are you curious? i wonder often. you've never asked. should i tell you or is it 'all in the past' and we should 'live for now and for the future'? i have a journal. you have the key. do you understand?
1 comment:
Frustrating isn't it.
Try exploring your past, re-visit past writing and pictures. It may show you a new direction or reveal that what you have now is actually not any more or any less than what you had.
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