and the winner is...

so i've re-read some of my blog entries from first year.
I realize that I was a much stronger person then. I was much more sure of myself, I knew what was right and I stuck to it. I knew what I had to do, I knew what I was unsure about, and I didn't rush into things. Two years later, I become easily swayed by people's opinions, I care too much about what people think, and trying too hard to compromise and take other people into consideration. Some people may call this development. I think I'm taking an unnecessary detour that I had foreseen years ago and was smart enough to avoid.
People tell me I should think things through. So I do. They also tell me I should seek other's opinion, to get an outside perspective. So I do that too. But usually, they conflict. So they tell me to talk to God and pray about it. So I do that too, but by this time I'm so frustrated and confused, I'm not really listening. So I end up going with what people say, because it's bluntly stated. I come back bruised and they tell me "It's really between you and God. Don't listen to what other people have to say. It's really up to you." So why am I having this conversation with you? I'd rather just dig myself a hole. Gets rid of the frustration, and takes me away from everyone.
this is the reason why I had no friends to begin with. the whole vulnerability factor. i tell certain people it's important, it's vital; and here I am complaining about it. opening myself up for the world to see, meant putting my life in their hands. I know it's not supposed to work that way, but that's what happens when I do that. I need to put my life on hold, just long enough to get back on track.
it's so hard to be anti-social when you have too many friends.

bet you can't guess where I used to work

So I was sitting in Soc2205a today, and realized that I'm not the slowest person in the world. albeit, I do have my blonde moments, my Alzheimer moments, and not to mention my Loey moments. I didn't think it could get worse. But, alas, there are times where I am mistaken. Take, for example, the middle section of the classroom. The professor is explaining how to find the mean based on the information given by a simple chart.

Girl: "I don't understand. Where did you get '20' from?"
Prof: - Right here, in the frequency column.
Girl: "I know, but there are 4 rows, how do you know which number to take?"
Prof: - You're looking for how many people got a B on their physics exam, which falls under this column *points to B column* and so now you look at the frequency column, and it says '20'."
Girl: "Okay... but how do you know it's 20 and not another number?"

Honestly? He just told you...

Example 2:
The professor is writing out a formula to figure out the refined mean of the information presented in the data. He explains every single part of the equation (what symbols mean, and where you can find them in the chart), and yet this conversation occurs:

Girl: "What does 'L' mean?"
Prof: - Lower exact limit
Girl: "In the text book it says 'LEL', is that the same thing?"
Prof: - Don't use the formulas given in the textbook, they overcomplicate things by given abbreviations that have more than one letter, which if you plug into a formula look like you're supposed to multiply them, when there is only one number for that symbol. And every year, there are some students who try to multiple the letters together and get the wrong answer, because it doesn't exist.
Girl: "Okay."
Prof: - I'm giving you the simplest way to write the equation so that there is the elast amount of confusion as possible.
Girl: "But the textbook says..."
Prof: - Forget what the textbook says. You have to do it exactly the way I told you to, or else you're going to screw up.

Pretty straight forward, right? Wrong! That conversation was followed up by this one:

Prof: - You look like you don't believe me. I'm telling you the same thing I've been telling you for the past hour and a half.
Girl: "No. I believe you. I don't doubt that I understand what you're saying, but I'm not sure if I understand what I'm thinking."
Prof: - ...

What?! Seriously. I thought I was retardedly slow and stupid and didn't have a filter on things that came out of my mouth. But I guess I've been proven wrong again. And this time it feels so good =P

So I leave you with this funny quote from my absolutely hilarious, and yet patient, statistics professor:

"In order to find the median... we have to turn off the lights."
- Professor Marshall, Soc 2205a

heart beat, heart break

heart beat, heart break | lifeisnotadream's Xanga Site - Weblog

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love takes time

so the dullness of law class led me to decide to visit ljsecrets.
i went through 4 issues and could relate only to one single secret - and that was a Christian one.
i take it as a step forward. no longer being able to relate to emo secrets, being able to be free from that. it's like flying :)

oops. i forgot.

so today there was an extrication demonstration on concrete beach.
i forgot about it, but was reminded when i saw the fire truck turning onto western from sarnia while i sat on the bus. and i thought, "crap. my camera."
it was a pretty cool demonstration to watch. really would have topped it off if i had captured it for future enjoyment. it was cool. i almost got glass flying into me. haha. okay not THAT cool, but front row view. it was pretty sweet.

that is all.

one last time to say, "i love you"

people change.
that's a theme that's been popping up a lot recently.
whether it be relationships with people you haven't seen in a long time, people you haven't seen for a short while, or people you see almost every day.
people are bound to change.
it is inevitable.

there are several relationships that i can think of that have change a lot recently.
one with someone who you consider to be a good friend.
one with someone who people thought i got along with really well and talked a lot with.
one with someone who i looked up to and felt really comfortable with.

the first:
there was a period of time where communication felt one-sided. where one seemed less willing to talk, less willing to open up. a one-way street of sorts. several months later, the issue has been addressed. final status: still under observation.

the second:
it has been ongoing for almost a year now. not much has been said about it. i dont think the issue has been addressed at all. everything is pushed aside to be dealt with later. there is no status report.
(edit)
status report: communication established. although little, the step has been taking. things are not as bad as i made them originally.

the third:
not particularly a negative change. just a slowing down, a little less frequent, sort of lack of communication. should strive for continuous communication.