by "not-so-emo" i mean, pretend you didn't hear that

Cite: LJ Post @ Saturday, October 20, 2007
Reason: Different date, same message

you know you're emo when...

this is my 3rd blog entry tonight.

i've already written the many reasons why i'm not sleeping, in complete and utter vagueness that no one will be able to interpret unless i've already filled them in on it before.
and although i've had many half-conversations about the various, a different topic to each person, i still am not at peace.
i know the answer is probably to get off this stupid piece of technology and sit myself on my bed and give some time to give up my burdens before i lay my head on my pillow and call it a night,
yet i cannot bring myself to.

i almost want to give up everything.
i want to unidentify with all the things i've been taught these past 2 years.
i want to go back to the times when my pain would generate beautiful poems and lyrics.
i want to be able to express my feelings to the unknown world of online stalkers and creeps.

and even though it sounds amazingly stupid,
i can't help but think that it was so much easier to be naive
knowledge is a dangerous thing

i sit here and all i can think is:
i want somebody to care. why won't anybody notice that i make these not-so-subtle signs? if you do, why don't you act on it? it only makes it worse.
i feel like i'm so alone, and forgotten about. and yet the only person i can turn to, is the only person i'm avoiding.
it's almost like i don't want to face the truth, and rather wallow in my self-pity. cuz nobody else will.

several years ago, if you came to be and showed me you cared
i probably would've given my whole self to you
poured my heart and soul out to you, let you know every dirty, little secret, the inner workings of my mind
and by 'several years ago', i mean 'tonight'

I've shared so many times, to so many people. I have nothing left to share.
I don't want to talk about it, yet it seems to be the only thing I can.
Recycle these thoughts, regurgitate them.
Missed it the first time? Don't worry you'll hear it again.

I'm waiting. I'm waiting.
I'm waiting. Still waiting.
Think. Sort. Patience. Analyze. Remember. Patience.
I'm waiting.